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I am a Poor Pathfinder

(Paris Mountain State Park)

I’m a poor pathfinder

Every day life is difficult to navigate, especially when I start to see how painfully weak I am in the day to day. As a Christian, it is my desire to see the Gospel permeate every aspect of my day to day, and not simply showing up for church on Sunday out of some lame excuse like “showing respect.” That’s garbage. So what are some of the things that demand part of me and what are things that grasp as the leftovers, and where do each of those things overlap or usurp the other? Already, it’s becoming clear that much wisdom is required to navigate the day to day paths of life. Wisdom I seem to not have…or at least not use.

I’d love to see my priorities line up in this order: Christian, Husband, Father, Employee (I stole that from Mark Driscoll). Then everything else falls where it may. Unfortunately, that is far from reality. I will typically top that list out with Myself. Then while in church yesterday, instead of connecting with the truth we were singing about, my heart was far from God and my mind was focusing on the upcoming Linville Gorge LNCW trip, and then stayed there for most of the remainder of the day. At least I wasn’t giving into covetousness and thinking about all the ways I can get an iPhone5, right? Wrong, I’m pretty sure.

It’s difficult to navigate life as an idolator. I know. I am frequently lost, bypassing God, stepping on those around me and pushing my family aside like they are some sort of obstacle to my true passions. If that sounds horrible, it’s because it is.

Last week, I awoke to a rare moment of Scripture being the first thought in my head. “Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts.” (Jeremiah 15:16 esv)

A joy to me and delight of my heart. Isn’t that what I chase after in any thing? Isn’t that what fuels my pursuits in relationships, adventures, and finances? “If only…then I’d be happy.” Here, God is promising that joy and delight is found in the Bible, the direct revelation of God himself to humanity. This passage goes on to say that joy is found by being called in God’s name. This verse is a really good place to camp out, because you could unpack it and the ramifications for a while.

What does any of this have to do with pathfinding, other than I am totally lame at it when it comes to life and things that TRULY matter (unlike which ledge I should use in an upcoming hike). The Bible gives us these revelations in Psalms:

For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness. (18:28 esv)
Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path. (119:105 esv)
I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. (119:11 esv)

What can I conclude from all of this? If I am pursuing God by finding joy in the Bible as I learn more about who God is, I will sin against him less (LESS, as I will be a winner until I see my God Jesus face to face). If I am sinning less against God, then I will be sinning less against my wife, kids, friends and co-workers, because all sin is first and foremost an offense to God (another good place to camp out). I will not pursue vain idols and interests and hobbies and pleasures to the expense and neglect of God and my family.

There was a punk back back in the 90’s called Crux, and one of their songs closed with the lines “Where I focus my eyes is where I’m led in time. Please I plead give freely to the strength I need to keep my eyes set on You.” Amen.

Lord, help me to love You more, because I am weak and wicked and prone to wander. Grant me desire and not through Your word and knowing You, so that I might reflect You brightly instead of my sin so shamefully. Help me to keep my eyes and heart set on You, and let me be filled with You, that I may love You and enjoy You forever.

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Christianity Gospel Grace Heaven Hope Jesus On A Personal Note Sanctification Supertones

On a Personal Note: Mirrors

It feels like I’m two different people sometimes.

The other day at work while I was on a test drive, I had a realization. I’m a… grinner. (Watch the episode of Man VS Wild when he’s in the Baja desert for that reference). Of all things in life, this is what I am the best at being. That isn’t reassuring.

Maybe I’m not two people, but one person who hides half of himself with different groups of people. One group hears how I am in need of grace, yet doesn’t see how I need it. The other group sees how I am in need of grace, but doesn’t hear that I need it. A third group, which would be very small, sees those two overlap.

I look at myself and see so many areas in need of growth, and maybe this introspection has become morbidly acute to the point where I cannot see the grace of God and the good news of Jesus life, death and resurrection that covers those areas. I wish I would live my life in a way that everyone sees the overlap, but I’m pretty sure this would require me to live perfectly, which I can’t. A chorus by The O.C. Supertones captures this perfectly: “Who I am is in between, what I wanna be and what I am.” In another song of theirs, they sing, “I’m somewhere in between Canaan and Egypt, a place called the wilderness.” That’s me.

Although I cannot live as someone who is in no need of growth and change, I can, however, imagine what it might be like to have no need of growth. Now, I realize this image is quite likely flawed, but I can imagine some version of it. Looking at myself in the mirror, truly looking, requires humility. “This is who I am. This is what I have done.” As a Christian, and typically where I fail, it is imperative I see beyond myself. My reflection should look something like “This is who I am and what I have done. God sent His Son to die on a cross and pay the penalty for who I am and what I’ve done. What I see is a scoundrel who has been made righteous in God’s eye by being captured and made new in Jesus.” This whole Gospel and grace of God thing is a mind-bender for me.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12, ESV)

One day, it will not be dim. One day, the veil will be lifted. One day, sin and death and suffering will be no more. One day, every tear will be wiped away. One day, I will be finally home, because I have been captured for Zion. Hopefully as I walk along this road, I will reflect him in a much more balanced way.